Was this a stupid way to begin?

I feel like you could host The Daily Show.

Have you asked them about that?

Humiliatingly, I have.

There's so much about this industry that's humiliating.

We've done so many shows over the years, but I don't know anything about you.

Personally, I know nothing about you.

I don't know anything about you either.

Is it normal for the blue paint to be in a pool of jelly?

This is the first time I'm using acrylic paint in my life, and this is what's happening to me.

This is like the mustard water of paint, is what I'm getting.

I'm imagining the beginning of a Bob Ross I saw when I was a child- Yeah ... where he's mixing something with white.

Right.

The thing with Bob Ross was what I was so impressed by, he'd have an incredible landscape, and then at the very end, he'd take a big paintbrush and just put a line down the middle.

And I was like, "He just ruined the painting."

And then you'd look, and then he starts putting some branches on it, and I'm like, "Wow."

He says there's no- Tree in the foreground.

Incredible.

He says there's no accidents.

That's what Bob says.

So wait, where are you from?

We'll start at the very beginning.

I grew up on Long Island.

Do you know John Gabrus?

I do know John Gabrus.

Oh my God.

He was on this show.

He's so much more from Long Island than me, though.

I grew up on Long Island in New York, right about here.

So I grew up in Suffolk County.

Uh-huh.

It's pretty far east.

It was almost like farm country.

It was very New Englandy.

Oh, okay.

My dad was a professor of marine biology at SUNY Stony Brook.

My mom was a teacher and a science educator.

She ran a small science museum- Mm-hmm ... where I grew up.

So it was a very science-y household.

Yeah, very science-y.

And then how did you get into the mix and become an artist?

It's surprising you're calling me an artist.

Is this even going to be possible to paint on top of?

We're going to find out.

Did you get good grades in school?

No.

It's kind of shocking.

If I had to guess, I'd say, and it's not just because you're wearing glasses, but I would guess that you were top of your class.

Oh.

Because with the way that you approach comedy is- And even, you've done a bunch of segments and stuff that have to do with science, and I'm just like, "Well, I imagine if you're talking about those subjects that you have a lot of experience in-" Yeah, but I'm doing the dumb comedy version.

I'm talking about them for 30 seconds to make a joke.

I'm not doing the real smart people version.

I feel like Adam Ruins everything felt so smart.

Definitely.

Yeah.

Definitely.

Extremely smart show.

I guess I developed a skill of getting the gist of something quickly.

Right.

So I can talk to an expert about something, and then they'll describe something to me, and I'll go, "Oh, so it's kind of like this."

And they'll go, "Oh, yeah.

That is kind of what it's like."

Okay, great.

Cliff notes for people like me.

I like that.

Yes.

Yes, I'm a human Cliff notes.

This is not going to dry.

Is it?

Was this a stupid way to begin?

There's no stupid way.

I think it was.

Yeah, give me that, please.

Great.

This is right.

This is what I need.

A little for me.

And a little for you.

Oh.

Here we go.

What is your writing process like?

Do you write with a notebook or do you do computer?

I honestly never feel like I nail down a writing process.

Yeah.

I'm just always trying to make do- Mm-hmm ... and trying to come up with something, and never quite doing it.

I'm always like, "Oh, God, I have a set tonight and I haven't prepared anything.

Let me figure it out."

Yeah.

All right.

Now I'm in the position of having to actually draw you.

Oh, that's not the color I wanted it to be.

Does this look like a flesh tone?

It's the color of Gulden's mustard.

Gulden's, not French's.

Yeah.

Gulden's mustard.

Is that like a Dijon?

I'm going to save this later for when I paint a hot dog.

When you were a kid drawing, because you remember a point where you were like, "Well, I'm not going to pursue drawing," or, "I'm not going to pursue visual art."

I have a very specific story- Okay ... I've never shared.

I've never shared this story.

We're getting the exclusive.

Okay, that's something.

That's not nothing.

Okay.

We're making shapes.

When I was a kid, in the art class in my elementary school, there was an artist of the week every week art was deemed good enough to be at the front of the school.

Right.

And one week I did a painting, and then she's like, "Oh, you're going to be the artist of the week."

And I was so excited.

Mm-hmm.

I was like, "Oh, my God, I made it.

I hit the big time."

And thn the next time I saw her, she was like, "Oh, I lost the painting."

"So you can't be artist of the week because I don't know where it is."

No.

And I was like, "What?"

And I did the whole painting over again, and then I gave it to the art teacher, and she was like, "This one's not as good."

Oh my God.

And so I was not artist of the week at all, and I was devastated.

That's devastating.

And I think that's why I'm not an artist today.

That's- Is because of this experience in, it would've been third grad- Oh, my God ... third grade that that happened in.

And I don't remember her name- Yeah ... because I'm not one of those freaks who can remember the nams of my elementary school teachers.

I really don't either.

Except for the ones I had crushes on, f course.

I remember their names, but any of the normal ones.

Which ones did you have crushes on?

Mrs.

Zimmerman.

You had a crush on Mrs.

Zimmerman?

Because she was good at art.

Aw.

Yeah, and she said I drew a pretty good Santa Claus, so I ws like, "Yeah, I'm probably going to pursue art in some way as an adult because of your one compliment."

Do I have to wait for every layer of this to dry before I cn do more?

You can do whatever you want.

Okay.

I like this.

Yeah.

I kind of am digging what's happening.

You're doing the Bob Ross approach.

Let's- So when was the first time you did stand up?

I have memories of doing a weird little character in something that wasn't even quite a play- Uh-huh ... in middle school.

But I did a funny voice, and then the othr kids started coming up to me and repeating the funny voice to me.

Uh-huh.

And I was like, "Oh, that feels nice."

I always was a comedy fa, and then I started doing it more in college because a friend of mine started a comedy group.

We had some success on the early internet, and we moved to New York, and started doing shows at UCB.

Uh-huh.

And then when the group broke up, I was like, "Well, I can either do stand up constantly- Right ... and try to actually do it, or I can never do this again."

Right.

And I was like, "Well, I have to do it."

I feel like you're particularly very good at topical stuff thats happening right now.

Is that what you gravitate towards?

I'm trying to figure that out right now.

Yeah.

I was so lucky to grow up watching cable and then to get o make a show on cable- Yeah.

Mm-hmm ... for the same kind of kids that I was as a kid.

And I grew up watching The Daily Show, right?

Mm-hmm.

And I was sort of like, "That's the best thing comedy can be, ad that's what I'd like to do."

I feel like you could host The Daily Show.

Have you asked them about that?

Humiliatingly, I have.

Good.

We'll bring it up to them again.

They're like, "Trevor Noah's leaving," right?

And they don't know what they're going to do.

So I made a PDF- Yeah ... advertising myself as what a good host I would be- Yeah ... and then emailed it to them, and never heard anything.

Aw.

Which is fine.

Yeah.

But worse is to make a PDF about yourself.

That was the humiliating part.

There's so much about this industry that's humiliating.

Oh, man, I'm really liking the color blocking that I've done, and I'm so terrified to do facial features, because this is where- Yeah ... this is high difficulty level, is to do- It is.

You couldn't have started us off with some flowers.

No.

Flowers are so easy.

It's nice that we're not going back on our choices.

We're living- That's true ... we're living with it.

That's true.

I've given you some very weird hair, I'll admit it.

Oh, yeah, I forgot you're drawing me.

You know what's hard?

What's that?

To do five o'clock shadow.

That's been my difficulty over here.

Okay, I'm going to- You call what I have a 5 o'clock shadow?

Isn't that what it's called?

I call it a beard, ma'am.

You're literally the only man I know.

You're the only man in my life.

A 5 o'clock shadow is like Don Draper gets up in the morning.

Oh, that's like the first day.

Yeah.

It's like, literally, it's 5 o'clock, and so there's like a light dusting.

I can't help but notice that you're yelling at the art materials a lot less than me.

I'm feeling a little sorry for the character that I drew, because I know it's supposed to be you, but I'm like, I don't know, he feels lie he's truly locked in a basement, and I gave him now a full 11 o'clock beard or whatever.

I don't know.

Do you have any hobbies that aren't secretly work?

Oh, God.

What a question.

I know.

I mean, because even this, look, drawing is my hobby, and now we have cameras on us.

Yeah.

Look at you.

Yeah.

No, it's like during COVID, when I was like, "I like playing vido games.

What if I streamed on Twitch?"

Yeah.

Yes, actually, I've started doing photography.

It took me until my 40s to be able to do at stuff without feeling the need to be good enough to make it a career of any kind.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

And I've been shooting on film, which is fun.

When something exists physically in your house- Yeah ... it has a different weight.

Yeah, it doesn't mean as much if you have 12,000 photos in a phoo album on your phone.

I mean, there are 10 photos of me as a child.

That's it.

And that's kind of nice.

Yeah.

I gave a friend of mine, I took just a photo of his kid tht came out nice on black and white film, and I went to the dark room, and I developed it, and I printed it- ... and then I got it framed.

And it's like, there's truly ony one of this.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

And even if he wanted a digital copy of it, he would have to scan it- Right ... and that would so clearly not be the thing I gave him.

And there's truly only one of these.

I'm sorry you're made to look like somebody that's on a romane novel a little bit.

Wow, that's amazing.

See, I just... The beard was hard for me.

No, that's good.

It is very much a 5 o'clock shadow.

Yeah.

I honestly have no idea what I'm about to walk into.

Okay.

What?

I love this.

I do.

I love it.

I feel like I'm on Doug.

I look like Patty Mayonnaise a little bit, and she's a hero of mine.

Very healing to hear.

Genuinely one of the most colorful paintings we've had.

That was a real art teacher compliment.

"I love the colors."

You used colors, and you tried hard.

Maybe I could be artist of the week.